Secondhand

I felt what I felt for myself, second
and it felt minute in comparison
What you felt for me felt (most importantly)
firsthand and struck itself faster than mine
as if importance were a matter of time and not
what seems more wise

I wished for myself, second
and for you I wished first against wind,
down it went into nothingness because a wish
spent perpetuating itself
means little more than its success

I bettered myself for you
but what is better when what you're comparing it to
is a year or more's worth of ignoring me gently
so why is better to you, more than better for me?



I'll know what it feels like to wear clean sheets
and no longer will I be secondhand to myself.