My Reaction to Christian's Post:

Oh hello.
So this is the game we're playing, yes? If it is then fantastic because I've been playing it for ages and I know exactly how it goes and how it stretches out.
Words are words are words. I don't mean to trounce your literary integrity but I say you have some ballsy audacity to articulate yourself over the internet. Also, thank you very much for reinforcing the fact that we're over. Oh really? I wasn't aware. But thank you very much to communicating that I am in fact in the past, that you don't look back at me, that we're done, etc, etc, etc. I needed that. Really I did. Thank you because I was still hoping that next week we could catch a movie, make out in the theater, go to Pascucci. I was still under the impression that your next love letter was about to arrive in 2 days and that I'd hear you play Norwegian Wood over Skype tonight. But thank you for letting me know! Now I'll make other plans. You must come to terms with the fact that you chose my best friend, that my best friend is not interested in you, that she's going to move in with me within a week, that we've been friends for almost 6 years, that she will always choose to respect my feelings over choosing to respect yours, and that if given the choice to hurt me or hurt you, she'd hurt you a thousand times over. Oh, and also! She's not interested in you. Oh hey, also just letting you know. She's not interested in you. If you weren't aware of that. If you think she's being a tease then just grow up. She's even a tease towards me and I haven't had any whack at the goods. Are you ready to try for the next 6 years? But honestly, the reason this may sound harsh is because all in all you hurt my feelings by writing what you wrote. You should never hurt a writer's feelings with words. That's practically shooting at someone who has a machine gun with a handgun. Eh, I'm not very good at gun references but anyway! I care about you, but you're starting to make me feel really bad. Be careful with your actions because they always have consequences. You've already broken my heart in one way, now don't go off and break it as my friend.

Jerk.