I overthink it.

I overthink it and overthink it.
Do I feel the need of someone with me? Do I need constant reassurance? I know I always go too far, and say what I do not mean because no one has ever made me so upset. I've never felt so anxious and I've never felt that I didn't have enough time. But let me explain it to you. Every moment I spend with him is timed, there is always a deadline, there is always a moment again where I won't get to be with him and hold him and be held by him. These short spurts of time ultimately end up being wonderful but only to end up as extreme discouragement and a missing him intensely. Why is this my relationship? Who would choose this life? I know that this is a sacrifice I am choosing to make for love but a love this disconnected and this painful - a love timed; an unfair love. I can count the days I've seen him, count the times he held me as I cried, count the times I stared at him as he drove. I hate that I haven't missed count. I'm sorry, Christian, for being so upset. I don't mean to be, I just need more time with you. I apologize that this is probably all unreasonable; I'll come up with a better argument not at 3 in the morning.