Freewriting II (10 min)

Today began the same way most days begin. With the residue of having dreamt something strange, of remembering slight imaged of waking up in the middle of the night sort of drenched in all these tangled thoughts. Thoughts that never disappear and haunt me even as I sleep. There's nothing I find myself more attached to than my thoughts. I wish they could place themselves very neatly on old parchment and fold itself over to lock itself tightly in my brain. To be found 3 years later one night as I seek something else. I'm not sure about a lot of things in my life, only of what I see and feel and I'm only sure of these envisionments if that makes sense and seeing as I cannot or should not change certain aspects of myself I am a statue. And then she graced her presence to the kind. I don't know why I just said that. Anyway, despite myself I managed to go to church today. The part of church that always gets me to cry is when people close their eyes and ask everyone else to pray for specific or general people and/or group of people. I don't know why it does. But something about having so much compassion for other people. Yes, of course we'll pray for them. For those who really need it. It's not about religion or about spirituality at this point, it's having the mentality to take others into consideration when going about your everyday life. Something that I find myself doing as I write this is closing my eyes and really taking in the fact that I'm writing all these words without limitations without the need to be coherent or to make sense to anyone. I now find myself in front of a window. Being embraced by the sensation of warmth. Warmth, I love the feeling of being snug and warm, under very soft blankets and pillows. With perhaps even my skin under someone else's skin and it's that sort of warm that makes me doze off with sleep. Something about feeling safe and being comforted. I remember at an old house of mine I had a canopy over my very pink bed and my very pink room. I remember crossing from the border of Mexico and wanting very badly one of those balloons with string attached at the end that bounces back. I remember that at this home I used to sleep with my parents. My head would rest on my dad's stomache and my legs would be over my mum's. I remember both of them talking to me about their life, I remember being too young to understand the importance of moments like these. I had a glowstick wrapped around my neck. The glow receded as the night continued and did not glow the next day. I am not really sure why this memory came to me just now. I'm also not sure who would take the time to read this but I do it for my own sanity's sake. So that maybe through attempting to recover the past, I could attempt to discover my future.