I miss him.

Would you give up everything to fall in love? Would you give up everything you've ever known for someone? Would you sacrifice everything? Not many people would, not truly or without limits. There will always be circumstance, or conditions to which these people would fall in love and that isn't necessarily bad. It just is. I wouldn't say I'm righteous, or that I'm perfect. I wouldn't say I'm any different than the people I am talking about. I would say nothing. I would say nothing and hope my heart is loving him as much as it can. I will say nothing and do everything within my power to stay with him. I know it's crazy. I know it's ridiculous to think that my teenage romance is any different than everyone else's whose failed. If our relationship is to fail, if promises break, if I ever forget what it's like to have his lips brush against mine, to press my fingertips against the palm of his hand, to stare at the beautiful hazel space between his pupils and his lashes, then the reason must have been a good one. I trust that the reason would be a good one. I trust that more than I'd trust my own breathing. I do not love him any more than I love my parents, or my wonderful long time friends, I do not love him any less than I love myself and God. I simply love him without measurements and with such logical and passionate intensity unjustified by any sort of words. Him and I, we kiss away the words we tend to stutter. I understand him with a look and he understands me with a touch. He knows, he just knows. He knows what makes me uncomfortable and he knows what makes me happy. He knows when the perfect time to dance is and when it is appropriate to simply laugh away our mistakes. He does what it takes to make me smile, and he does what it takes to let me cry away the sadness for a while. I know it sounds generic, I question everything all the time but only because I'm afraid of how much I love him, I'm afraid of how broken I'll be if something were to ever happen. I cry harder during movies at the part where the starcrossed lovers suffer, there is a sort of elation I feel when they kiss. I feel like I know what it's like. I really am deeply in love. I don't need to explain that to anyone because my heart says it every single day.

Forget

today and tomorrow. Forget everything, everything that makes you feel so worthless. Just forget about it and maybe it'll get better.
But it won't, will it.
It'll never get better. Ever.
Because I'm a failure and a failure of an awful type that scours uncertainty purely for its disregarding temperament. I despise this. I despise it all. That the ways of today and tomorrow bring nothing but a reassurance that I am indeed really nothing in this world.

Where is God?

I will

challenge the day as it comes as it rolls as it strolls as it hums down the street very sweet very neatly complete. I will hope that the day knows its end as it breathes out the breeze of the leaves that the seas recommend. Then the rope in the scope driven wilder and milder sink higher and pliers drink tears by the criers. I will burn down the stern town with firm grounds to know now the go how of gold crowns passed up down the slow rounds. And when all the stupid is over the rover finds Dover to get what she owed her and showed her the neat little package in silver, it killed her and nothing was quicker and thicker than blood on old wicker.